Quiet Rhythms

chapter04.911

rough draft and outline of chapter 4 of the book...

It was a warm fall day in Indiana.

We were dismissed early from our classes because of word that the World Trade Center had just collapsed.

The days were heavy. Much time was spent in the new prayer chapel praying for victims, their families, our nation and our world.

There was a sense that things were different now, and that something had been taken away.

There was a feeling of a forced vulnerability. I learned a lot about life because of September 11th.

Vulnerability is not something that comes naturally for a lot of us. The idea of being an open book may at least be desire for us. Nobody likes to be fake, and it would be great if we were truly able to look in the mirror and say, ‘I am who I am, and I am beautiful.’ The truth is that many of us can’t say that 100% of the time. Insecurities shadow over us. Doubt about our worth keeps the pages of our life closed. One of our biggest fears is that somehow our hand will be forced, our bluff will be called, and our insecurities will be laid on the table, and the hand that we are actually holding won’t be as strong as the poker face we put on. From time to time, this is exactly what happens to us, and we don’t like it.

On September 11, America - the people and the idea - had the wind knocked out of it. The super-power of the world was found to be vulnerable. And at least for that first little bit of time, we were able to mourn, and much of the world mourned with us. Is it wrong to say that such a time was actually pure and refreshing? Not that I would wish any of that on anyone, but there is something about true mourning that tends to leave us clear minded.

Around that same time, I had been introduced to the Message by Eugene Peterson. Whenever I get a new translation of the Bible, there is a small list of verses that I turn to so that I can ‘try them out.’ Psalm 139 is usually the first place I stop. It was this verse that Joel Hanson from PFR recited from memory at my first ‘Christian Concert’ in 1996. I liked it and it stuck.

Another section that is an old standby to ‘kick the tires’ of a Bible with is the sermon that Jesus gave in Matthew 5. It is called the Beatitudes. Most people raised in the church are familiar with it starting out as ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit.’ What in the world does that mean? The New Living Translation says, ‘You’re blessed when you realize that you need God.’ That’s better, I can get that. But my man Eugene Peterson is speaking my language when he translated it this way, “You’re blessed when you are at the end of your rope.’ Oh man. It’s amazing, and makes no sense at all on the surface.

I mean think about it, who actually likes to be at the end of their rope. That is a place of little control, and usually is a sign of weakness or failure. How in the world could Jesus be talking about this place as a location where blessing is to be found? But let’s think about that for a moment...

What does it mean to be at the ‘end of a rope?’ Well, simply put, it means that something that we are hanging on to is almost out of our grasp. What kinds of things do we hold on too? How about things that are important to us. I mean, does anybody hold on to something for dear life unless it means something to them. I am not saying that it is good or bad, I am just saying that it has some sort of importance, so we put the grip on it. So, when we find our selves at the end of the rope, that means that we are at the end of something that has value to us. What are our options from that point?

I see three options for us when we are at the end of our rope:

Option 1 - Climb back up. If we value it, chances are good that we will be willing to fight for it, and make our way back up to some sort of stable grip. Problem here is that we never intended on being at the end of the rope in the first place, and we will probably find ourself at the end of it again eventually. It’s a gradual loss of control. But we can fight against it and put an incredible amount of energy into getting a better grip.

Option 2 - Hang on for dear life by our finger tips and pretend like everything is fine. Have you ever seen somebody in this state of being? You and everyone else in the world can tell that someone is barely hanging on, and yet they try to shrug it off and say, ‘no really, I'm good.’ This is a sad state to be in. People surrounding the situation genuinely want to help, but aren’t allowed too.

Option 3 - Let go. Ouch!!! This hurts. Now follow me here. We have already established that we only hang on to things that actually have meaning to us. So to let go of something that is valuable to us...well, it’s not fun. It’s embarrassing. It is admitting that we were actually hanging on to something that we may have given more value than it actually deserved. And as we let go, and fall away from our ‘rope’ it puts us into a vulnerable place where we wonder if anything is going to break our fall. Eugene Peterson that this is a blessed place because there is less of us and more of God.

It hurts.

The next passage of Matthew 5 in the Message reads like this: You are blessed when you feel like you have lost that which was most dear to you, only then can you be held by the One who truly is most dear to you.

When was the last time you felt like you lost something that was very dear to you? Whether you had to let go of it on your own, or you were forced to let go if it by an external circumstance, I can promise you this. God is faithful to catch your fall. And when he does, you will know what it means to be held by the One who is most dear to you.

This was my lesson from 9/11. Our strength and security was forced out of our hands and we were left vulnerable for everyone to see. As a people, we responded with mourning. We felt close to God, because he was there to hold us when we had nothing left to hold on too. From that perspective, it was a beautiful day. It was like the day after the flood of Genesis came and went...and the colors came out.

chapter02.quantum

here is the beginning and rough draft of chapter 2 of the book. chapter 1 contains a lot of narrative and mythology and i don't feel to confident to share it yet...but...here is where chapter 2 stands right now...

During the spring semester 2001 at Indiana Wesleyan University, two classes impacted my life with a collision of Quantum Mechanics and Wesleyan Holiness. I describe the experience as beautiful, and my wife roles her eyes at me. I would to if I were her. All of us are geeks for something, and the bringing together of these two disciplines gave me a capital G for all things geeky in my life.

A new class had been introduced to the catalog at IWU that year: The Impacts of Science on Faith and Society. The name was poetry to my ears (remember the geek thing I just mentioned). The class size was not huge, but the departments represented from the University were diverse. Willing people from psychology to theology to science were all gathered to discuss how science had impacted our culture, not just at a tangible level, but also the deep ethical and moral levels. The new advances in science, and how the results of their truths had impacted how we as human beings actually see the world. The doctrines of pluralism, and dualism were having a greater effect on the masses than communism or capitalism were. Dr. Willem P. Van De Mere quickly became one of my heroes as he was willing to take the time to answer some of my questions about the things that I was afraid I was the only one thinking about. The movie Contact, written by Atheist Astronomer Carl Sagan impacted my life very much. It dealt with cosmic issues and questions that were well beyond my sphere of thinking, and Dr Van De Mere organized a viewing of the movie at his house that I was able to attend with several top students from the science department. It was incredible.

On the theology side of things, there was the class on Holiness. Now, before I go much further, let me remind you that this is a Wesleyan University. This is not Calvin or Hope or Notre Dame. This is Indiana Wesleyan University. John Wesley is the founder of Methodism and a pioneer in systematically approaching what it means to be Holy. As juniors in the ministry program at a school that bares John Wesley’s name, you would think that we were actually going to be understanding what holiness was, how to get it and package it, and deliver it in a box. There was a problem though. Our professor, Clarence ‘Bud’ Bence had done such a superior job at teaching us the history and background of our holiness roots, that one thing was abundantly clear: the group of folks that had ‘reached’ some level of holiness (as far as making it into the history books is concerned) were a diverse group of men and women. So diverse in fact, that it was difficult to find anything systematic. It had me thinking of the evil ‘r’ word: relative. No, not the evil people that you spend Thanksgiving with. I am talking about ‘relative’ in the sense of ‘not absolute’. These were taboo thoughts I was having. I mean, after all, God’s word is true...how could anything be relative. And to put John Wesley in the arena of relativism? I wonder if they would even accept me into the Christian Ministry program.

Of course, it didn’t help much, that over in the science building in the ‘Impacts of Science on Faith and Society Class’, Dr. Van De Mere was teaching us about what creation looks like at the atomic level of protons and electrons and neutrons. The word ‘relative’ was creeping up there as well. I was convinced that rapture needed to take place at any minute...ok not really. But, it was getting torturous near the end of the semester, when it was becoming abundantly clear that we were not going to figure out how to neatly package up the doctrine of Holiness (and still maintain integrity) and deliver it to our congregations. We were not even going to be able to be who we were trained to be. This is disaster.

And then something beautiful happened...(don’t forget that geek thing I talked about earlier)...

words that impose themselves on us

with all the talk about words in the news these days, and whether or not being able to deliver a great speech has anything to do with this or that...i thought i would throw in a few words of my own...

language

if language were only monologue, would it have any value?

imagine if God had only intended on having a monologue with us. it is hard for me to grasp that as truth. supposing it were true, however, i suppose that would mean that the salvation story would be something that was imposed upon us whether we like or not.

when you or i speak (unless extremely self-centered) we hope to receive some sort of response. when God speaks, he supposes that we will answer. God spoke his nature within us so that our response to Him would be formed within us and then show itself in a way that reflects the salvation dialogue He wishes to have with creation.

each of us has a part of the dialogue. salvation is being spoken by God to this creation, our question is this: what is my response?

how do we answer? do we sometimes have a hard time finding the words? are the words we speak formed by our broken nature, or Christ's nature within us. as a church this year, many of us have daily shared in email readings of the psalms. these psalms have been important to me as a way of learning the language of the Spirit as it interacts with the different situations of this human life. they have taught me how to speak salvation into this life. words that are formed by the image of God as revealed through the blood of His Son.